Mangiare!

Dear Child(ren),

Two days in a row with a blog?! Madness.

With everything that I love I usually put my all into it. With Disney World it wasn’t just plan, pay, go. I thought about it night and day for MONTHS prior to the actual vacation because I put everything into stuff I enjoy. Well, I was at Disney World and I loved every second…but I also got sick of being there. It’s not because it’s nothing like I imagined (I’ve been there now 4 times so I think it’s safe to say I know what to expect) it was more because it took so much out of me and I was ready to be excited for something new.

I love Christmas. Some people have even begun to call me Mr. Christmas because of how nutty I am about the holiday. I put up decorations in November, you should know this, because I’m just so darned excited! As Christmas approaches a lot of that excitement is drained as a lot of the fun stuff has passed. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I end up really enjoying and always feel the full effect of Christmas spirit but the next day it is all over for me.

This year was even faster than usual. Boxing Day was spent cleaning up around the house and removing all of the decorations. The next day was cleaning up some stragglers and setting up my office in the basement.

Why am I over Christmas so fast? Most people think it’s odd that someone who is so in love with the holiday can be over it so quickly and ready to move on but as I said about Disney World, it drained me. Now I’m looking to the year ahead and there is so much I want to do. I set up my office and now I have a space where I can write or work on projects at home. I bought a blender because I want to start cooking more so clearly a blender is a requirement…at least I say so. I want to organize the kitchen more because I want to utilize it a lot more from now on. I want to cook most of our meals from scratch and I want to bake and I want to entertain guests.

Specifically it’s the kitchen stuff I want to talk about. If you end up suffering from depression or anxiety it is absolutely my fault. Well, I’m kidding…at least I hope. Anyway. If you end up with any mental health problems you are going to want to seek out stuff that is therapeutic. Petting a dog can be therapeutic. Listening to music can be therapeutic. Exercising, playing a sport, writing, meditating, etc. All of these things can be therapeutic. At the end of the day you are going to find something that quiets your demons and allows you to focus on nothing but the task at hand and how whatever that is makes you feel.

My therapy is a room. I love the kitchen. I love baking and I love to cook. I even love to do the dishes but that may be more my problem with not having space because of dirty dishes. When I am in the kitchen I often like to be left completely alone which can be a struggle for your mom because it can mean me spending hours away from her. I like it because I don’t need to hear the thousand voices in my head rambling about all of the subjects that cause me stress or make me feel the burden of guilt. The reason I like to be alone is because when someone is with me I am thinking about them and conversation and what they are doing and, even though your mom is doing absolutely nothing wrong by wanting to spend time with me, I can get flustered because I am concentrating on something. When I am alone my mind isn’t centred on anything other than what I am making or what I’m singing about or I just say utter gibberish because I want your mom to laugh and know I’m still thinking about her when she’s in the other room. It’s therapeutic for me because I’m doing something I love and all of the stress of any day is just brushed right off my shoulders.

My favourite part of cooking and baking is the reaction from other people. When someone eats something I make and love it (specifically when they ask for seconds) it makes me feel so good about myself. I need validation. It’s a part of who I am and though I know I need to work on it, I can’t deny how good it makes me feel to not feel like a disappointment in that moment. To feel like I’m actually a source of someone’s happiness or good feelings.

Everybody needs something that makes them feel good about themselves and mine just happens to be a room of the house.

So you better damn well eat what I put in front of you! 

Love you always,

Dad

 

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