We’re Back

Dear Child(ren),

Has your mom made you watch that movie yet?

She remembered it fondly. I remember her sleeping through a lot of it. Could have been a different movie, there are so many, but I digress.

So I have left you with no wisdom for so long. Well I’ve been busy! Not really. Distracted maybe.

As you well know I’m a mess. At least I was a mess. I mean, to you it’s “I was a mess” to me it’s “I am a mess”, this timeline hopping is so difficult to get a handle on.

So I’m a mess. I have moderately severe anxiety, MDD, a guilt complex and my head constantly in the clouds. I worry about everything. In the last few months I’ve spent my time worrying about various things but mostly I’ve dedicated my time to not worrying.

Know why? Well your mom isn’t just my fiancé anymore. She’s my wife. I got married. Little ol’ immature, mess of a man me.

I thought nothing had changed. We came back to the same house and we spent our evenings the same ways. We made the same jokes. It’s funny how wrong I always am.

What changed was invisible and so subtle. What changed was inside of me. So many things that stressed me out before went away and I suddenly was just content to be with her, doing whatever we were doing. In my heart every minute I spend with her I think, “if this was my last moment on Earth I wouldn’t spend it any other way.”

It’s a new love. A new perspective of the woman who means the world to me. I hope one day you get to experience this kind of love. 

It was a beautiful wedding and it was a perfect day and it was a life changing moment for me. 

Every major life event brings us all closer to being a family and I am so excited for that but, for now, I think I’ll enjoy the time I get, just your mom and me.

Love you always,

Dad

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