Some days it’s hard being me.
Some days I wake up and I feel enthusiastic about the day and I am eager to get started. On others I wake up with a sense of impending stress and anxiety. Sometimes nothing comes of that feeling but it’s still there.
When I say that it’s hard being me I don’t specifically mean that my life, that of Dadrew Berry, is all that challenging or overwhelmingly stressful. Instead it’s the exact opposite.
I sit at a desk in front of a computer day in and day out doing the exact same thing over and over again. At home I do chores, sometimes, walk the dog, sometimes, but mostly I relax or workout. Even my drive in and out of work isn’t taxing. I leave so early that there is barely any traffic so I end up being home by 2:00 PM.
No, my life isn’t that hard at all. When I say that some days it’s hard being me I more mean that it is hard being who I want to be. Maybe the depression is a little bit worse or maybe there has been some kind of stressor to spike my anxiety. Either way, I end up finding it extremely difficult to focus and even harder to maintain the glowing centre of optimism that I strive to be. I fail miserably at this right now, but it’s what I want to be.
Some days I can wake up and just know that not only is the day going to be good but my life is going to be good as well. I can walk out the door with a smile on my face and a clear picture of my future coming into focus. Days like this make me want to just not go into work because I want to commit 100% of my time to deciphering how to make this feeling grow into a lifestyle.
Some days it’s hard to picture that I can be all that I want. I look at the world around me and, try as hard as I might, I can’t shake feeling of bitterness and anger. I find it even harder to see the magic that I want to see and to focus only on the happy things of the world.
The truth is people think that those who spend their lives ignorant from the world around them are worse off. They believe, typically, that it is childish to just ignore the fact that the ‘real world’ isn’t so great. There is crime and death, war and plagues, disease and hatred. To many people who believe there is no way to live but to acknowledge that all of these things exist, people that live with their head in the clouds are crazy or stupid. I’m not going to lie, I’ve thought that myself.
I used to believe that ignoring the horrible things in the world was just stupid because then you aren’t prepared for all of the danger out there. I thought that preparing for all of the disappointments that life was guaranteed to bestow upon me was not only a necessity but a requirement. I thought that I had to live understanding the world as it is and not just believe it can be how I want it to be.
The world is a bad place. There is a lot of dangers out there and maybe being ignorant is a mistake. At the same time, is keeping up-to-date on all that is wrong with the world going to benefit your life? Can you be happier by being afraid of all of the things that could possibly go wrong in the world? Is it really more dangerous to believe that the world can be an amazing place?
I don’t know what is right and what is wrong I only know what I believe. What I believe is that I would rather live a life in ignorance than in a life of fear. I’d rather focus on hope, dreams, and adventure over disappointments, stability and structure.
I believe that it is hard being me because I’ve been raised to believe that the world requires you to be structured and that stability and security in what you do is the only way to live, that a job is just a means of income and nothing more, that fairy tales need to remain in storybooks. Yet, no matter how much of this has been ingrained in me I fight this wholeheartedly because I want to believe in a world far more wonderful than many others see. I want to be living proof that optimism and hope can lead to something better. I want to be more than just another face in a crowd, more than just another person who rotated into the corporate world before rotating out.
Life isn’t living and dying. It’s an opportunity to do something fantastic with what little time we are alive and to make a lasting imprint on at least one other person in this world.
I refuse to believe that reality needs to be the bleak place that people often associate it with. Sometimes fantasy is closer to reality than we believe.
Love you always,