Birds Are Fowl For A Reason

Dear Child(ren),

I feel like I’ve had too few moments of silliness in these letters so far and have solely focused on serious things…I mean, other than discussing the idea of a Santa Claus company. Either way, I feel it is a great disservice to you to only see me speak of things in such a serious way when I am not all that serious of a person.

I mean, I dance like an idiot whether there is music or not, I sing songs in multiple voices while swapping the words out for ones of my choosing, I don’t really get embarrassed because I’ve learned to embrace being silly. This is not a man who takes things seriously. Other than my Lego sets. You can touch them when you’re older and more responsible. If there are two or, somehow, more of you, be more like your sibling and then you can play with the Lego.

Anyway, I’m 23 years old which to you probably seems absurd since you know me as an old man. I assume you call me an old man anyway, I’ve always made jokes about other people who are older than me so I know I’m going to get it 10x worse from you…I’m ready. Sorry, the point. I’m 23 years old which is not very old at all, but people still have this expectation that I should act more maturely, have more humility or something. When people first get to know me, or if they’ve known me for a long time but never been one of the people I allow into my circle of trust, I come across as serious and quiet. I’ll wait for you to stop laughing.

Alright…I think that’s enough now. PEOPLE CAN THINK I’M QUIET OKAY?!

Yeah, I’m not quiet. I’m certainly not serious. I’m certainly not the type of person who gets easily embarrassed by the antics of others…except for your mother. She is the only person who knows how to embarrass me. That’s okay, because I do the same to her. That’s love. Find it and treasure it.

I need to arrive at some sort of point otherwise this is just going to be a post about me saying nonsensical things but not really having a purpose.

Let me see if I can think of a story I can tell you about my past that is silly. No real moral here, I’m just trying to lighten the mood a bit. Give you more of an insight into who your Dad is at 23.

I’m realizing just how hard it is to remember silly stories…I went through a dark period of my life that lasted a little too long and was a bit too memorable for my liking. I have plenty of silly stories of my life after I met your mom because I came out of that dark time, but man is it ever hard to remember silly things from before then.

I guess I can actually squeeze a bit of a moral into this post in the meantime. Never let the word take the silliness away from you. You know just how silly of a person I am and, hopefully, you have lots of silly stories involving me that you can find lots to laugh about. Yet, for all that I am to you and even to your mom right now (year 2016) I went through a long period of time where sadness had taken away the fun from me. I wasn’t all just a miserable mop, but I was most of the time. I tried so hard to hide my silly self because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be accepted for the way I was and that I needed to be more “grown up” to be accepted. I’ve obviously come to realize that’s just a ludicrous notion, but it’s sad to think how many good memories I should have to share with you that I just don’t because, before your mom, there were not a lot of good times. Moral: don’t ever lose the laughter kidlet(s). You don’t realize how much time you waste when you spend your time not smiling until you finally find the light again.

Let me tell you about 2 experiences I had with birds. Birds and I haven’t had a great relationship.

First story and I really hope I haven’t told you this one before because that would ruin the impact of this.

I was in grade 9 and, for the first time in my life, I was trying to be considered cool. (Prior to high school I would go to school wearing Spongebob shirts and acting very silly). I started to dress well (at least better than I had ever tried to before) and I started to care about my appearance as well as people’s perception of me. It must have been the first week of school when this happened and you’re probably going to think the same thing I have thought every day since this happened, of COURSE this would happen to me.

There was a fire drill. First week of school and there was a fire drill. All of us went outside. When I say all of us, naturally I mean the entire student body was in one giant crowd outside of the building. I was hanging out with my friends just talking when all of a sudden I felt something hit me on the shoulder / back of the neck. I started looking around to see if someone was laughing because they had just hit me in the back of the head. I couldn’t see anyone so I was confused at what had happened. Well wouldn’t you know it, in the middle of a huge crowd, in front of the whole school, I look at my shoulder and wouldn’t there be bird crap all over me? Yeah. The only person to get hit out of the entire student body. This was my life.

My personal favourite part of this story? Adam was always the one who dressed well and took care of his appearance. As I wanted to be considered cool and look good, I decided to wear his shirt that day. Was I ever lucky I wasn’t wearing one of my own shirts!

Story # 2 happened one day while I was at work. I left to go across the street to grab something and on my way back I was in the path of someone. We both stepped to the side, only difference was I moved myself into the flight path of a pigeon who, very rudely, slapped me with its dirty wing. Yeah, I got slapped by a pigeon.

Much like Stephen King who claims that terrifying and disturbing things attract to him, silly things follow me. I can’t help it but it sure makes life a lot more fun.

I always want you to see me as silly because I know what it’s like to be raised in a serious manner where silliness is tolerated in a time and a place but not all the time. I don’t want you to feel like as kids or teenagers or even adults that you are expected to act with maturity. If that’s who you are then absolutely act that way, but if you’re anything like me in this sense, be silly and make stupid jokes and fill your life with memories of laughter turning instances that other people would attribute to a bad day into moments you can’t wait to tell people about because you want them to have a good laugh.

I do hope that no birds bother you though. Once it starts it never seems to end.

Love Always,



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