As of today’s writing I am off of social media. In case by the time I have you social media has turned into something utterly different, what I am saying is I have removed the Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter apps from my phone and do not plan on utilizing these at any point in the near future.
Dad, how will you keep up on all of your friends lives?! How will you know what is going on in the world?! How will others keep up on you?!
Well, let’s square things away one at a time. I don’t have a lot of friends. I mean, even by social media means I don’t have a lot of friends. I would say a solid 95% of my Facebook contacts could be deleted with no effect on my life. Same can be said of people on Instagram and Twitter. Most of the people that I am connected to via these applications are people I don’t talk to. There are maybe 10 people that I do and that just isn’t enough to justify using these things.
Second point, I never post anyway. I go through spurts where I want attention and want people to know I am alive and I want to brag or be socially active and I’ll post a couple of pictures or status updates or something but it’s rare. The main function these applications have served for me is time killing. When I am bored or have nothing else to do I grab my phone and scroll through. Essentially, the only reason I had these apps was to look at other peoples’ stuff.
As for what is going on in the world, that can be a poison. You’ve heard the expression ignorance is bliss? While this is not completely true it can be altered where for many people ignorance is better. Knowing what is going on in people’s lives is one thing but when you look at what’s going on in the world you are almost always painted with nothing but a bleak picture. For people that struggle to hold on to the light and to happiness it can be toxic to have the bad parts of the world thrown in your face. For that reason I am also letting go of reading the news.
Why am I doing this? Moreover, why am I doing this now if I’ve been aware of everything above for a while? Well I’m not perfect!! I have a tendency to convince myself that things I am aware are harmful can actually be used properly. I’m notorious for lying to myself. I want to believe I have the sturdiness to be able to deal with negative things, or things that I process negatively, in a way that allows me to keep them in my life but I am almost always wrong. If you have an open wound you don’t get into a hot tub no matter how enticing it may seem; you would just be risking infection.
I am trying to get better. I’ve known there has been stuff going on inside me that I can’t control for a long time but I have yet to really deal with it. Be it with medication or with changes in my life, most of the time I talk about it but I almost never stick to what I’m saying. That needs to change because I need to change. The happier I become with my life as a whole the more glaring the problems seem. I spend so much of my time on my phone that I can lose an hour or so just scrolling through stuff that I don’t care about. All because I can’t spend 5 minutes just with nothing to do but sit. Further, I don’t think of anything else to do because when a boring moment pops up I have the answer; my phone.
It’s a problem. To the point that not having my phone on me stresses me out and I sincerely struggle to cope. I need to fix this and the answer is simple, remove the things that take up the biggest portion of my time.
I don’t know how this will go but let me just tell you I expect withdrawals.
I want to be better. I want to be better for you. I want to be better for your mom. I want to be better for our family. Most of all, I want to be better for me. I have spent a good portion of my life living in a manner that was a huge disservice to me. I didn’t allow myself to fully embrace what it meant to be me. Now that I have started to do this and I have started to learn who I am for the first time in my life, I find things getting more complicated instead of simpler because there is a battle raging inside me between the old ways that I convinced myself to live by and the new ways that are much truer to me. I want to be more than this and I know I can be if I put in the effort.
I’m going to spend more time enjoying the sunshine than I am the light on my cell phone screen.
Keeping this one short, just wanted to make my point with this!